Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
BRING THE BAGELS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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