If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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