i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
