Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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