If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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