My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
