Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I met the friendliest cop last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
