Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
