You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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