I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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