sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
