if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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