Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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