The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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