He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i have two assholes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
