I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
