I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
