You can't special order awesome
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
