ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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