Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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