my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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