Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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