when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
