I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
