Just mADE A PArabola og urine
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just forgot I was standing up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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