Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
