Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
