today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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