You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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