Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
