you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
