Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
