I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want her autograph on my taint
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
