GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
