So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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