Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
