..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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