he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
