3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
