Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
