oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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