dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
