I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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