Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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