I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
