I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
