Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
