Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
