I'd wear matching sweaters with you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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