In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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