So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
