I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
