I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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