I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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