so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
