The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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