I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
