But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
