well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
