FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
