I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
