apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We need to get me chipped asap
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
