if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
