I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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