first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
time to smoke my breakfast
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
