i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
should my penis look like a turkey
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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