Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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