We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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