i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
