Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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