FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
