ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
