Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
