You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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