My first STD was from a foam party
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
