Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
