Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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