I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
