I'm drive I can fine osifer
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
