somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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