It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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