drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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