I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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